If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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