Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
