the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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