I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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