oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
