I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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