Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
