Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
