I need help removing her.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
