It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
