Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
