This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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