And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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