You made me cry and you don't even care
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
