That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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