Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
