Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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