If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
