I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
