remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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