I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
