Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
