I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
