omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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