my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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