So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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