your parents love me but you hate me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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