I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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