on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize