do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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