Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
