remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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