In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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