Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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