I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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