$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
