After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
