Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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