What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
