Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
