Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Farmville is her only friend.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
