in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
