you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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