Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
