If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
