chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
