Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
