And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
