I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
