So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
