Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
