My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
