I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
