i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone came in the potted fern
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
