Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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