He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
