He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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