All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
