we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize