I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
