She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
