Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
