hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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