is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
