She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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