I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
