ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
