Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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