maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
