Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize