I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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