2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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