yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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