I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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