By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have post one night stand depression
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