Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's official drugs can't kill me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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