just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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