woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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