fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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