my phone needs a breathalizer
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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